I now stand open for cross-examination.

4:19pm: Hey. I'm working on my ADS (After dinner speech) which (for all you non speech peeps) is basically a persuasive speech that MUST be funny I've got some jokes, but I need more. Can you help me? There are a few references you may not understand unless you 1) understand collegiate speech norms or 2) can see my visual aids. Ask any questions you may have.

EDIT: HERE'S THE UPDATED VERSION AFTER ALEX AND JASON'S HELP

( it's about euphemisms...come on, you know you want to. )

Thanks a million!

12:03pm: best part is... you'll probably never catch me. cuz i'm the gingerbread man.

Trent: how are you, Tracy?
Tracy: I'm wet.
Trent: So, you're a woman?
Tracy: yeah...well, sort of. I'm hoping to get the surgery.

John: my crit really is getting better though, isn't it Ashley?

Jason: so, Jeremy, you sleep with boys?
Jeremy: yes!

Me: Christian, will you get off that couch? It's for the psychiatrist.
Christian: (pouts) Uh-uh.
Me: Please?
Christian: Ok, I guess so. (Goes to gossip on cell phone)
Me: Who are you talking to?
Christian: It's for a job interview.
Me: Oh, for what?
Christian: I'm actually between jobs.
Me: Really?
Christian: Come to think of it, I'm retired.

I love playing psychiatrist.
I love my team.
I love speech.
I love that I can say I love speech and mean it. For the first time this semester.

11:55pm: the smells of spring


smelly library guy was in the library today-- he was there at 10:45 am, and he was in the same seat at 6:25 pm. I doubt he left. I could literally smell him at the 1 East color printer. That's by the periodical and reserve desk. If you know where he sits, you know how bad that is.

they're all in cahoots, because it was also smelly mulch day in the quad. I hate this day every year, but it was sweetened this year by...

OPERATION OLNY. We did it. I put the drill away just in time.

5:37pm: Everyone's drinking green beer today.
I probably will too--- but why is st. patricks day so special that we dye beer to look like a shamrock? Why don't we dye our eggnog green on Christmas? Or our chocolate bunnies that seafoam bunny green on easter? Or our Thanksgiving turkey brown, our new year's champagne gold, or our Halloween pumpkins orange? OK, those last three were bad examples. But green beer? Why is the color for St. Patrick's day green anyways? Just because there's a lot of grass in Ireland? Let's just call today grass day then. In fact, in honor, I'm going to collect a lot of grass and dye it... purple. Because every happy grass day is a purple grass day.

Trent puts in his two weeks notice today. Yeehah!

Cincinnati is a great city, but its salsa club had only one couple. I taught trent my water aerobics this morning. He didn't like the froggy jog that much. Perhaps we should have dyed the water green.

8:43pm: ay, la cruda.

1:59pm: let's do the time warp again.

I'm sitting in the receptionist desk at The Stanley Clark School. I'm trying to call Mrs. Frucci "Jane," Mrs. Barnes "Wendy," etc, but it's hard. The lower school hallway used to seem so wide-- I can remember having to walk what seemed like a very long distance to hang up my coat in the first grade.

Then the other part of me doesn't know where I am. When I answer, I am tempted to say "Camp Ray Bird, this is Ashley, how can I help you?" and when Mr. Douglas wasn't here today (Oh, I'm sorry, Robin), i accidentally said "he's off camp." Close.... but it's campUS. CAMPUS.

Seemingly, camp is over.
But where's my life?!

I don't have an address, I lost my phone so I don't have one of those right now, I don't really have a home, although Trent did clean the tizzight pad while I was at work yesterday. And what's really weird, is I'm not the boss anymore. Here at Clark, I don't know the answers to anything, i don't even really own a taser, and I don't have to elad any meetings. I do miss my peeps. It's been sad to know that I won't be around camp all semester-- Kara's going to do my job during the fall snizzle mizzle, and I know she'll be great. Better than me, certainly. But truly, I would like to spend more time with her and Laura and LJ and Amanda... and Katie, too. They are wonderful friends-- supported my ministry perhaps more than I supported theirs.... and that wasn't even their job at all.

thank you friends for the "most drama" party, for the blugeonator, for the BIB, for the mornings out, for the prayer, for the hard work, for being overachievers at mealtimes, and for pumping up the preserves.


and YOU... you ball state friends... see you the 20th!
until then, i'll be road tripping through canada and the adirondacks.
mexico in 3 weeks!
THAT is a topic for another day.

2:55pm: "...it's not like they exist on a diet of happy meals and ho-hos."

I'm listening to Abby's prose here in the hotel room. I'm at the NFA speech tournament, and we're chilling in the room until dinner. CLS is here to coach Abby last minute. I'm sort of scared... I don't know exactly what to expect, and I'm not wholly comfortable with my poetry program-- which is strange, because I was comfortable with it at state, and i've made only minor changes since then. It's weird how my speeches have gone in cycles-- I used to hate my poetry, then it was my favorite, then I started to really like my persuasion, then i started to not like it, then i got accused of not liking my info, so i started to become one with it. Now I'm back to uncomfortable with my poetry. Maybe once I give it a whirl tomorrow, everything will be fine. Abby said something really encouraging though, "I'm really glad we're not in the same rounds in persuasion, because I think you would kick my butt. You have the best delivery of any novice I've ever seen." Thanks... I do doubt that, but maybe I'll do well.

I miss trent... It's true that we haven't been away from each other for more than two days since May, when camp started.
Six days and counting.

I'll keep you posted, dear friends and lover(s).

7:49pm: Trent's rubbing off on me.
Tonight in geology, as our instructor busied himself by talking about water tables and whatnot, Trent and I giggled in our seats about the word "aquitard." We literally couldn't stop... it was embarassing.

In other news, the snizzle is tomorrow! I can't wait to get back into the swing of things, and what's exciting is that the whole leadership team will be there, so we'll get a chance to connect early. We're leaving town around 9:30, I think, so that's fun.

I had a bad week in classes this week... I left gender crying, geology is boring, I skipped rhet crit, but TESOL is actually getting better. Who knew?

He's my response to you, L&G...
"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive."
Well, it's not really my response... it's borrowed from C.S. Lewis.

I had lunch with Kristen today. It was good.

10:43pm: he deleted his comment, but he can't remove his fingerprints from my life.

COKEmsheen: rewrite my speech for me.
Mattingly611: I *stretch* would, but I'm just about *yawn* to go to bed.
COKEmsheen: oh my. then it's going to be a long night for me.... i was really counting on you taking this load off me. but, no such luck.
Mattingly611: Sorry, Ace.
COKEmsheen: alex, if you don't rewrite my speech for me, i'm not going to be your friend.
COKEmsheen: unless you buy me strawberry wafers.
COKEmsheen: then all will be forgot.
COKEmsheen: see, the triple bind technique
Mattingly611: Ok. I owe you one pack of strawberry wafers.
COKEmsheen: courtney really limited herself with the double bind, i think.
Mattingly611: That's good! That's a good technique!
Mattingly611: Well, yeah. What an amateur.
COKEmsheen: she could have gotten what she wanted in the first place, if she would just given you that third option, as a distracter of course.
COKEmsheen: SUCH an amateur.
Mattingly611: TOTALLY

i couldn't let one al make history, while the other squirmed uncomfortably. i just couldn't do it.

6:01pm: for the vault.
i was boondoggling, ignoring:
my mexico application
my revised speech
my lesson plans
and even my spider solitaire game.

when...
(this part just sets up one of the many punch lines)
CaptainCalvin123: summer is a pretty name
COKEmsheen: for a season?
COKEmsheen: i think so too
CaptainCalvin123: and for a person
COKEmsheen: i once knew a girl named summer, and she hated me
COKEmsheen: so, i've had a bad experience
CaptainCalvin123: did you hate her?
COKEmsheen: no. i had to like everybody
COKEmsheen: i was the leeeder.

(and then much later (like at least 10 minutes)...)

CaptainCalvin123: I think you stereotype and generalize people too much
CaptainCalvin123: I am gonna go out on a limb here but maybe you call people freaks and complete dim wits and label them e.g. liars, wierd, bad spellers just to feel more secure about yourself
COKEmsheen: when have i ever called you a complete dim wit?
COKEmsheen: look, al. i call em like i see em. i appreciate that language is powerful enough to create reality, so by all the labels i've given you over these last months, i've been creating reality.
COKEmsheen: ....or something.
CaptainCalvin123: WHAT
CaptainCalvin123: you are crazy
COKEmsheen: no, it's all true.
COKEmsheen: every word.
COKEmsheen: just take a look at judith butler's stuff on illocutionary acts.
CaptainCalvin123: that is like saying "look al I look on the outward appearence of people than make a judgement. After I have made that judgement I impress that judgement on to people with the POWER OF LANGUAGE (very similar to God's) and than that person becomes that judgement I gave to him in reality."
CaptainCalvin123: no wonder summer didn't like you
COKEmsheen: she was a jerk, and i told her so.


ok, ok, so i had the power of language on my mind, and i may have taken it a little far. CLS, have I shamed you?



maybe someday i'll get started.

11:05am: note to self.

things left on DAPR before I can graduate (assuming I get out of honors):

CLASSES
PEFWL
COMM 310
COMM 322
COMM el (380?) (290?)
SP 301
SP 302
SP el

OTHER
writing competency exam
departmental inventories
portfolio review
application (due in september)


seeing that I will get my spanish out of the way in mexico, and my speech team credit out of the way by competing, that leaves me with only 3 classes for the spring. shall i take greek, sign language, more spanish, acting, tap 3 or what? let the fun begin.

in other news, scheidler and birdie transformed an entire roll of paper towel into confetti. they outdid themselves by then scattering it all over my house-- tossing it into the air while saying "wheeee." and they did it while I slept. brilliant.

7:59pm: slate rooftops last forever.

that's the only part of this geology lecture that i'm hearing. tell me this-- why is there a penny included in every photograph? does the photographer keep dropping his change right before he takes the picture? or are these subliminal messages... like, "money is more importand than rocks anyway."

i have a pretty good attention span, but this lecture really pushes my limits. stupid hard.

7:58pm: i never posted any wedding pictures, and i got a request... so here's a few.

[img]http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/421597132/0.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/421597132/1.jpg[/img]
[img]http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/421597132/2.jpg[/img]

4:37pm: we've got more bounce in california
than all y'all combined.


and i haven't heard "dude" yet. i'm getting smoked over here!

somehow my dad had my bank account attached to his paypal account.
i find that suspicious, but only in a funny way.





i'm going to a speech tournament tomorrow! my first since high school!
but i'm not competing, i'm just chillin. competing is for next weekend.

i write for nemo ce, who is always the lone ribbondancer.
are you fartherfromalaska or what?

10:17am: it was better, just like February should be.

since the date for returning staff applications passed, mike was able to officially name trent the head counselor! and it's a good thing, because if he didn't get that job, he might as well flip burgers.

real life is starting for us-- mr. houghtaling talked about a real time frame for hiring the mcfalls as full time staff. we graduate while they raise money for a housing budget, and then they build us a house, right next to mike's, and we're neighbors for the rest of our lives. it sounds wonderful to us-- and it's kind of surreal, because we're really starting to plan life after college.

so, i'll return as the activities coordinator and trent will be the head counselor-- and then we'll just sort of settle in, doing those jobs for many years to follow. and then we'll graduate, and trent will find a job as a teacher near south bend, and i'll get hired at the bird, and then they'll get trent for free of course.


i say it's weird. but it's not. since about 2001, I've never really moved in the direction of leaving, so I guess it's natural that we'll end up there full time. and, it's a good lesson to learn, that all those scary new experiences you try when you're age 14 can really impact your life.... and not just for that week, while you slaved away on the maintenence team.

and then while we were joking about how mike was going to hire someone else, not waiting for us to finish school, he said some funny things. "we're not looking for well rounded people. we're looking for freaks. really, we need someone who is passionate about God, their spouse (if they have one, and surely not all people do), and camp ray bird." and i guess that is me-- although i still allow room for the occasional rendezvous with linguistics, talking toys, and chinese food. i'm working on that.

5:48pm: on this night two years ago

we were preparing for a revolutionary party
that would wipe away the woes of january
we made resolutions
cut our hair
ate ice cream
and held hands as we rang in the real new year.

i hope a new year starts tomorrow too.

11:29pm: we took liliana and leticia to see "white chicks" with us last night. it was one of the best things of my life, i think. they don't understand a word of English, so they chatted about somewhat loudly in spanish the whole time. the movie sucked, but i got a kick out of trying to translate to them what i could. afterward, we were on our way to take them home, but liliana made it clear that she was hungry. we enjoyed hamburguesas at steak n shake (and they had never been there), and laughed about winking, drunk fellow employees, leticias important tasks at work, the movie, life, the satellite radio we have to hear that plays the same songs over and over again, and some other things... all in spanish. i think we're going to be friends. my next mission is to rent a movie, one that has spanish subtitles, and invite them over to the house. that's why i haven't quit the job yet. puerto vallarta, you have some purpose in my life, and it's not my lousy $115 a week.

since i got the attention of so many ribbon dancers with my last post, i think i'd like to post some more pictures.

( so many choices for your new desktop. )

1:02am: ( trent turned our cat into a porn star. )

11:02am: and last night, I forgot how to say "three" in English.

Trent: How many (people are sitting at my new table)?
My first thought was "tres." No, that's not right... your husband actually speaks English. Um... um...shoot. And then I frantically threw up three fingers.

2:48pm: trent's alarm rang 6:30 am
my alarm rang 6:40 am
trent got in the shower at 6:42 am
trent's alarm rang again at 6:45
turned it off
looked out window
3 cops were in my car

i guess a lot of cars were broken into.
i was pretty mad.
the only important thing they took was the ring trent got me for christmas.
it was in the car so we could get it resized.

12:42pm: yes, i'm married.
yes, it's magical.

yes, he's naked all the time.

11:06pm: I watched the Friends finale with Christine tonight. I felt disturbed that Gina and Elyse weren't there, but also Beth and Courtney. We always watched it in the triple... but now there's no TV, no big pillows, no carpet, and no roommates.

Maybe Rachel should have gone to Paris, I don't know.
Regardless...

( who wants to produce our spinoff? we'll call it Alpha Sigma Sigma, if that's ok, and this will be the first publicity shot. )

EDIT: do I enjoy looking this ugly in front of the world?

8:27am: I finished my dream narrative, and, consequently, my last paper of the year.
I kind of got a kick out of it, so I'm going to post it here, assuming I successfully master the livejournal cut. Here we go.

( If they're bored enough, they just might do it )

11:41pm: .
l-o-v-e love.
g-l-o-v-e glove.

Trent: i wish i could just take my heart out of my chest and rub it all over your face.

10:44am: I'm always faced with this bittersweet struggle when I read your journals. Whenever someone offers something new that I never knew before (like Mike), or guides me to an article I should care about but don't even understand the context (like Alex), or, most recently, shares a sort of inner conversation that has led to personal enlightenment (like Jenny), I get all weird. It's like "thanks, I needed to learn something today," but it's also like, "you mother trucker." Part of it is that I wish I had discovered the thing myself; the part that's posted is always only a fraction of what you all are actually thinking about, so am I getting the digest version? And then, my dears, I want to be a contributing member of society too! I sponge every last drop of whatever my friends offer, but do I offer anything? Rarely. I doubt I've articulated my concern with any kind of coherence, but, regardless, here's my contribution for the day. Let's combine forces to use this word more than any other. If I started a band, I'd surely call it...


embonpoint \ahn-bohn-PWAN\, noun:
Plumpness of person; stoutness.

His embonpoint expands by the day and his eyes are buried in the fat of his cheeks.
--Quoted in Goethe: The Poet and the Age: Revolution and Renunciation, by Nicholas Boyle